Question below!

Q.) Hi, I am spending so much time trying to help someone with anxiety and ocd, I am so stressed out because the person I am trying to help, has no job, self medicates, and just simply won\\\'t listen to me. He gets so irritated when I try to talk to him, like he doesn\\\'t even care how much I have done for him and how much money he spends and doesn\\\'t even work. I just don\\\'t know what to do anymore, how do I help him or make him get help?

A.) Having been in that same situation I can tell you that you have to understand that he does not look at the world the way you do. You can't hold that against him. The world is a scary place to him and he doesn't even know why. You are blessed in that you don't suffer from irrational fears. That you don't get a shock of anxiety in your stomach for no reason. It's very tough for someone to work when they can't even walk down the street without feeling like they are going to die. The best thing you can do is to stop thinking about how you feel and put yourself in their shoes and try to feel what they feel. Only then will you be able to help them. He won't listen to you because you truly haven't put yourself in his shoes. If you did, you would truly understand how hard it must be for him. Having OCD is like being in a wheelchair in your mind. Until you are able to get a hold of it, it basically renders you useless. A person who has OCD already feels useless, then if they have a significant other who just compounds it, it just makes them want to kill themselves.

You need to have patience. If you want to really change others, you gotta change yourself. Stop looking at him as someone you have to change, but look at yourself and figure out how you can change. People respond in kind. If you act frustrated toward him, he will close off and do the same. If you have a shockingly good attitude when he least expects it, he will also act in kind and respond with a shockingly good attitude after a while.

Talk to him and find out if he wants to get better, if he wants to work. If he says he does, do what you can to help him. He will get better much faster if you think about how he feels and he knows that there is at least one person that believes in him.

At the same time, you need to tell him what you are and are not willing to do. Don't help him perform rituals, don't let him talk you into performing any type of ritual. Be there for him, but don't enable him. If he doesn't make any money, don't just keep giving him money. You don't have to let him drain your account. Instead, just be there for him emotionally and tell him that you love him if this is your significant other. That way he knows you are there for him, but that you won't take his crap either!