Saturday, September 27, 2008

I think about what would happen if my parents died...

Q.) I think about what would happen if my parents died every night and often during the day. Thinking about it so much, I almost wish it would happen and I crave the sympathy and attention I would get from teachers and church leaders and friends. I keep saying over and over to my self \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'my parents will not die this year\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\' but it doesn\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'t work. How do I stop thinking about it? it\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'s driving me insane. I always harm myself if I feel like hurting others, even if I just want to verbally abuse someone. I have no compulsions though so know one knows I\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'m like this. It took me a year to get a diagnosis of aspergers syndrome so I don\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'t trust the psychiatrists any more. They never do what they say they will. I get counselling but I\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'m too scared to share this with him incase he thinks I\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'ll be a murderer, I can\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\'t tell anyone. How do I stop?

A.) I used to have similar thoughts, as a lot of people. The reason that it's not commonly heard of is because most people don't share these scary thoughts, thinking that they will be baker acted or something. I can tell you this though, the fact that you are worried about it means that you are normal! This took me a while to get, but once I got it, It was like a light bulb lit up above my head just like in the cartoons. You see, once you see that this is just a fear, you no longer have to be afraid of it anymore. Most people think that a fear they have is something wrong with them and that is why they are so afraid! Once you realize that this is just a fear, well, that's easy to forget now, because fears are just made up, and yes our brain messes with us, all of us, normal people alike, it's just how it works. We are made in such a way that things we don't want to think about stick in our minds. That's just how it works! So you no longer have to hurt yourself. You are a child of God and He loves you and you are fearfully and wonderfully made!

So take action: When you have this fear, remind yourself that it is just a fear and that the normal human brain has a tendency to make us think about that which we don't want to. You are normal.

Get over OCD for good!

3 comments:

Unknown said...

I agree; but I think its better to leave the god notion out of it. I have enough magical thinking then to add that supernatural notion.
And just to riff on that if god is so powerful then let him remove mental illness which is NOT free will. Ah forget it.
And please understand I don't mean to belittle anyones magical thinking or prayers. I do enough of them myself.

Alciraenaya said...

Even if people have those scary thoughts, chances are its also a result of deep-seated, and I mean deep-seated, anger. Anger so intense that you're afraid to tell the shrink, seeing as many shrinks wouldn't know compassion if it hit them over the head. They wouldn't even know how good listening works, let alone the joys of helping in their supposed, healing profession. People are deeply afraid to tell others what they are thinking if you do suffer from OCD. Yeah, I've known those who have used it against me but I say to everybody - always always fight back with every breath you got. Resist labels, resist the torture of psychiatry to get you to conform. Your mind is far from being that malleable. While someone has labeled you as Aspergers, you are by far not the label. I don't believe that something not in the DSM until 1994, at least 20 years after the original paper was discovered, is super valid in terms of how the debate on HFA finally ended. I am a resistor of categorization. I will always be. As far as magickal thinking goes, you can easily say that the creator, whatever name you know him or her by, is not responsible for your suffering. Neither is that New Age idea about how people choose their suffering before birth, choosing their challenges, their parents, yadda yadda. That notion can bring small comfort to those who have been really disrespected by their own flesh and blood. Prayer and positive energy, all designed to bring good-will is not as underrated as you think. Mental illness is by far, not part of free will, and I absolutely have a lot of hate in my heart for this misguided idea. It just happens, we are made the way we are. Believe me, its more than healthy to vent.

Tsite-Jeanne said...

eHi

Forgive yourself. You're simply having imperfect thoughts like we all have because we're all imperfect. Imperfect humans have imperfect thoughts. Forgive yourself like the rest of us have to do because we're all imperfect humans having imperfect thoughts.

When certain thoughts persist like in your case, it's good to try & figure out why you're continually having these particular thoughts. And you've already figured that out. You want attention & sympathy from others. We all want attention ,sympathy & caring from others. Those are healthy needs. Now you need to get those needs satisfied in a healthy way. For instance, give your Mom flowers. Us women love flowers & we'll give attention & love to anyone who gives us flowers. Compliment your Dad . Perhaps he knows a lot about cars. You could tell him how he's so smart & knows a lot about cars. When I compliment my husband, he loves me a lot in return. Do something for your brothers, sisters, other relatives, friends, etc. You'll find that your needs for love, caring ,attention, & sympathy will become fulfilled in return. Once your needs are fulfilled, you'll find that your imperfect thoughts about your parents won't be in your mind much, perhaps not at all. If those negative thoughts come back, you'll know it's time to take care of your needs once again.

I respect you because you're a caring person. You care about your parents & you feel bad when you have negative thoughts about them.

I sympathize with you because I too am imperfect & I have imperfect thoughts just like you do. I've learned though to forgive myself like I hope you will.

I care about you because we're living in stressful times where it's more difficult to get our needs satisfied & as a consequence, we're having more problems & having a more difficult time to cope.

Take care & God bless, Tsite-Jeanne

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